“Who is your hero?”, read the essay question.
Yes, I was applying for college, and no, I didn’t feel I had any time for silly essay questions. Stupid, aweful, but have-to-do essay questions; therefore, I sucked it up and scribbed down an answer. After all, I didn’t have a hero besides Jesus, right? And if I did, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you who it was. I mean, as the oldest child of 3, I was expected to be the hero, and it was often hard to determine who I looked up to (or who to look up to, it wasn’t like anyone provided answers). I never had an older sibling to lead the way; I was expected to figure it out (and do it perfectly the first time). What disaster it would be if I failed!
But anyways, somehow, I was accepted into that college, and forgot about that essay question. I got on with my life, because, well, I was in, so what else was there to do? Forgot about it. Moved on. And got to Interpersonal Communication with, well, we’ll call her Dr. H. I needed the class for my major, so it was going to be fun, right? But Dr. H was into “doing this class the right way” and so, in my head, I ended up grumbling about the work load. And in that work load was an essay: Who is your hero?
Is it possible, really, that I have one?
A while later, summertime came, and I dealt with a few crushing blows in my life. My faith was tested: could I rely on God, even when everything I loved, who I was, or even what knew to be true was stripped away? And, what’s more, could my soul come out of it alive?
I keep a journal, and one night, I felt so inspired as to write about love, especially specific to my life. And as I wrote, the writing began to ask, again: Who, exactly, is your hero?
And then I asked myself: is it just me, or is Someone trying to make a point here?
I cannot stress enough how much love comes in secret forms, possibly, too many to name. Anyways, if we try to name it, we end up blaspheming it. And, I might add, this happens too often in today’s world. Seriously, think about how many times you have loosely used the word “love” in the past week, or recieved it from somewhere or someone else. And then, think about how many people you could truely say, “I love you” to, and really mean it. And after that, if you did say it, how would they really know that you meant it? After all, you say the same thing to every other person.
But let’s think about those special few for a second, the ones you really love. Who, might I ask, is your hero?
I think a real hero is a hard person to name. You can’t just say, “MY MOM” and have it be right, unless, of course, your mom really is your hero. A hero is someone that has “saved you”. You feel indebited to them because they have, somehow, changed your life, and you wouldn’t be the same today if it wasn’t for them. They are someone you admire so much that you might even love them for it, perhaps even to the point of spending your life, or a part of it, trying to be like them. And, sometimes, more often, you don’t understand them, because they are distant, off saving someone else (dang it), and you feel as if you will never measure up to their “greatness” (but whatever it takes, you are sure gonna try).
So again, I ask you, who is your hero? And don’t say you don’t have one, because, in your subconcious, you do. We all do. But it takes some time, God whispering, to define one.
For me, it is my worst sin, using someone else to define ME. And, often, in my search for myself, and thus, in my search to become like Christ, I try to become someone else. I look up to them, and in my weakness, even idolize them. Learning to stand as your own is underestimated. That is, it’s harder than it looks, so we create heroes out of other men and women. I mean, how else will you know where to go? And, the funny thing is, we even ask ourselves if this person is God’s way of pointing us in the right direction! I mean, sometimes it is, but when you’ve fallen on your face, can you count on someone who’s fallen with you to stand back up again?
Transformation, that is, a 180 degree turn from doing one thing to another, doesn’t involve sacrificing a few degrees because we’ll make them up later. These people, who we call heroes that can save us and guide us, have fallen with us, and they are also trying to get back up. They are reaching, just like us, for some help, to at least, get to their knees. So maybe a better question is: should we even HAVE heroes?
Yes, bravo to people directing other people. I mean, to some extent, people are human and need advice, love, and guidance on where to go. But where it becomes unhealthy is when that act of love festers in the other person’s mind, dehumanizing the act, and, unknowingly, making it that of a hero.
Thus, we should be more selective about the word “love” and the ways we use it. We have to be careful what we call love and what we call an obsession (and, in own own acts of love, clarifying our humanity, aka, leaving nothing about us, unless truely private, unknown or unsaid). That means checking ourselves from time to time and asking: who is my hero? Otherwise, it’s like Harvey Dent says in “The Dark Knight (2008)”, “You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain”. I don’t know about you, but I don’t appreciate villianous types; let’s not create them.
But, honestly, because all men must have some hero (what DID you think all those superhero movies and comic books were about, anyway?), the best heroic guardian I can think of is Jesus. He honestly, truely, changed your life, saved you, and deserves your praise because He created you. At night, you can whisper, “I love you, Jesus” and He will hear you (and know you mean it), and by day, you can ask, “Where am I supposed to go? Who am I supposed to be? What do I do?”, and He will tell you. No, you can’t hear Him; it’s not a telephone call. But, it is the simple trust that, yes, I know who I’m supposed to admire and be like, so I can be my own self and know that I’m being transformed into someone who’s already standing over my fallen, decaying corpse, reaching back at me, to help me stand up.
So, at heart: who is your hero? You better not just scribble down an answer.
*Please litsen to the song: “Superman (It’s not that easy)” by Five for Fighting after reading this. And I’m truely sorry to anyone who has been my hero; you know who you are.
The Rose 