Love, I think, is a redundant topic, and yet, such a basic and unique one. Each person experiences love a little differently, and each experience is special and unique to that person. But, when we break up with each other, somehow, all those good feelings become toxic and we have to back away, even sever the relationship sometimes. In the poem “Breaking Up with You”, I wanted to capture the moment I went from loving my boyfriend to losing my boyfriend, sort of what it was like in the immediate aftermath.
A few years ago, I wrote this poem called “After We Broke Up”, about a completely different relationship that ended with the same result: we broke up. In that poem, I wrote about the process of breaking up. I detailed what it was like start to finish after breaking up, hoping to capture the overarching arch of everything, rather than the small details. I feel very pleased with this poem, because, going through rejections and break-ups since then, I feel it holds up in many circumstances.
I have written other poems about rejection, but I never really zeroed in on the precise moment after a romantic relationship when the break-up officially begins. It’s probably because, in that moment, I’m mopping up my tears with prayer, tissue and ice cream, rather than thinking about writing a poem. So, immediately after my latest break-up, right after I had mopped up my tears, I wrote about that moment.
It’s important because it’s a moment we all experience but don’t like to discuss, due to the fact that it’s a moment of vulnerability and transition. One minute, you’re in love with someone, the next you experience rejection and loss. And, in the moment, we may not even have the right feelings we are supposed to feel yet. We simply feel a mix of love and pain, a bitter mix of what was, is and what will likely follow.
Most people, I feel, try and grab the moments after a break-up and heap the blame on the other person. But, in that tiny moment, when our feelings are still new, it’s nobody’s fault. It just is. And, I feel, if we can sum that “is” up, we can better describe the reality of what happened than simply how we feel about it later. That is what I hoped to capture here.
As a journalist, I know that all news is never going to be just good news. And, some aspects of our personal lives just are bad news. Yet, it is equally important to grab the bad moments as it is to grab the good ones. Perhaps, it will help us understand these moments — and each other—better.
Breaking up is one of those moments, especially because it can cause so much damage to people afterwards. It’s important to grab the process, like I did earlier, but it’s also important to follow up with the moment stuff happened. “After We Broke Up”, for me, described the process, but “Breaking Up With You” stayed in the moment. I guess, you could say the poems are related in that way, because when I sat down to write “Breaking Up With You”, I was thinking of it as child, of sorts, of “After We Broke Up”: same topic, different takes.
I dedicated this poem to the person who inspired it, as I do with many of my poems, mostly as a thank you for the inspiration. I keep telling myself I need to stop dedicating stuff to people. But, I feel it’s appropriate here, because the poem originated out of my relationship with Chris. Whereas I was fully intending to write a love poem for him, the surprise of him breaking up with me turned a would-be love poem into the moment of the break-up. Indeed, it almost made the poem a more powerful testimony to how break-ups can be, how love poems can turn into break-up poems, as I hoped to capture, in an instant.
It’s probably healthy to say that I have cried my tears over Chris, took time to recover and, a year later, have since moved on. That’s not to say I didn’t love him or that his rejection didn’t sting, just that I’m over it and I don’t want to go back. It’s interesting to me that the forever I said I wanted in the poem with him isn’t the forever I want anymore. Indeed, it almost seems silly now, whereas it was searing in the moment. Amazing how times and people change, how our wounds can heal and how a year later, we can go back and smile and say, “Oh yeah, that.”
Perhaps that is a topic for another poem, and perhaps it can be written on another day. For now, it’s also important to note here that the poem, “Telling Me How You Feel”, is a precursor to “Breaking Up With You”. It takes place in Chris’ kitchen about a week before the actual break-up. I meant to discuss another topic in this poem, but it may provide some light into its successor to help fully understand the impact of the moment.
Story keys like this one are meant to help you understand the background of the poem, so you may better understand each work I publish here. This poem was, as I mention in my July/August 2016 Ad-Lib, of the more personal nature for me. It is intended to relay a bit about my experience to add to understanding of the human experience, as I mention in the Ad-Lib, and not to rant about a past boyfriend. It is a difficult and delicate thing for me to share, so please be respectful. I hope, however, I have captured a unique moment in my life that captures what it is like to break up with someone in the moment it happens and adds to our understanding of personal relationships with each other.
To read the poem, go to: https://thewriteaholic.com/2015/09/07/breaking-up-with-you/
The Rose 