The Rose

Author’s Gab, Reader Talk.

A letter to you, the reader, so that you can finally figure out what I’m thinking.

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This Month: Taking a Hard Left

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“It’s not whether you get knocked down, but whether you get up.”

— Vince Lombardi

Dear Reader,

When I left you in February, I was working for the Traverse City Record-Eagle as a police reporter with no signs of stopping anytime soon. I’m sorry to say that I’m not employed by the Record Eagle anymore as of April 8, 2022, and that things didn’t work out like I had worked and planned for in Traverse City. I was pulled into a conference room with my bosses one day and let go, told it wasn’t a good fit and that they weren’t seeing improvement in my writing. Specifically, there were two avenues they were concerned about: accuracy and time management; and, my boss said he didn’t want to keep making me fit into a box I didn’t fit into. I was told to clean out my desk, I briefly got to shake hands with another reporter, saying it didn’t look good, and my local editor helped me carry my stuff out to my car, saying I would find somewhere where I fit but it wasn’t here. No severance, no recommendation letter, no nothing, just thrown out. And, I thought I was fitting fine and surely they would have good things to say about me, but I guess not. I have talked to my sources and they seem to like me just fine and don’t have an issue; but, for whatever reason, my editors did. It was fine until it wasn’t. And then, it just wasn’t. All stories done. Career over, or so it felt like. Or, just a hard left.

I didn’t even win the poetry competition I told you all about in February. My work was dismissed with one swift rejection letter in the mail. I brought it home and showed it to my dad.

“Do you want me to toss this?”, he said, looking at me, dangling my rejection letter from the competition over the trash.

“Sure,” I mumbled. “It will bury my disappointment.”

Maybe I could just go to the gala they hold for the winners and size up my competition. It’s always good to see who you lost to, after all. But, in the end, I didn’t go. I just didn’t feel like it.

But, you know, all this doesn’t make me a bad writer. It’s devastating. It’s discouraging, sure. I just laid it all on the floor, gave it my all and lost with no regrets. I had to move back home. My lease on my apartment in Traverse City expires today. My work was not presented with other artists at that gala.

It doesn’t make me a bad writer, though.

I did, however, find a couple ways that don’t work for me, just like that old story about Thomas Edison trying to invent the lightbulb. Edison apparently had 2,774 different prototypes before he improved on British Chemist Humphrey Davy’s design for the lightbulb, which Davy invented in 1809. Edison succeeded in 1880 in creating a working prototype, 71 years after the original was made. It took another century for the design to be perfected and LED lightbulbs to be invented in 1997 by Isamu Akasaki, Hiroshi Amano and Shuji Nakamura, green technology which we benefit from today. So, if you think about it, there was a lot of trial and error there. And, I’m sure there are a lot of different inventions that share the same story.

I keep a motivational calendar by my bed and every morning, I flip the page. I have been doing this for years. Not one other calendar quite meets the bar. Or, at least I haven’t found one yet. Three quotes really stuck out on this motivational calendar for me this month:

April 27: “I haven’t failed. I’ve found 10,000 ways that don’t work.” — Thomas Edison

May 14: “The best preparation for tomorrow is to do today’s work superbly well.” — Sir William Osler

May 29: “It’s not whether you get knocked down, but whether you get up.” — Vince Lombardi

I remember coming home and telling a friend I felt reflective.

“That’s ok,” he said. “But, don’t stay there.”

And, I still feel reflective. But, I can’t stay here. Life has to move on.

So, I called an employer who hired me in the fall and asked if the part-time job of lifeguard supervisor was open. It was, I completed my training and I’m on the schedule for Mondays next month. I completed my Water Safety Instructor certification. I’m not sure if I passed yet, but it was rewarding to do nonetheless. I reached out to some old colleagues and asked about freelancing, felt out for full-time jobs to see if there was an editor out there who would vouch for me in the crisis. And, I edited my blog today.

I got a callback today I was waiting for, an in, a start. I’m not going to share who or what it was just yet, because it’s still in process. But, it was an in I needed, that small glimmer of hope in the midst of devastation, in the middle of ways that don’t work. A way that works? Career not over? Still a hard left.

Friends, I’m here to tell you that, in your writing, there will be hard lefts. Like, I’m not even talking about just rejections, but life-altering failures that leave you wondering what the heck you’re doing and why this is happening. But, that’s not the place to give up. It’s a place to reconsider, but it’s not a place to throw in the towel.

I’ll say it because it’s what I have been thinking lately: you have NOT wasted your life. In failing, you — you as a writer — have found one way, or several ways, that doesn’t, or don’t, work. I just encourage you to prepare fully for tomorrow, do well today and don’t let the past haunt you. Because, it’s just so easy to get caught up in your scary, creepy ghosts. You can reflect. They’re there. They hurt. But, you just can’t stay there. Get up and keep trying until you find that one way that does work. Learn from what you can. And, that’s all you can do.

And remember: THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD WRITER. It makes you a stronger one.

So, be strong, writer. I believe in you. You can find that glimmer of hope. It’s in there somewhere. You just have to find it. Love you guys. Hug from me.

Think about that. ~

Sincerely, Your Writer,

Jessica A. McLean

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Recent Happenings:

• Recent Ad-Lib Activity:
  • February 2022’s Ad-Lib is here!
  • Here lies my foolish thinking. A writer is dedicated, not lazy. Making a resolution to pick up monthly Ad Libs again!
    • TBA: I’m working on finishing my series on form. It’s a gigantic project, so I will probably split it in two. Stay tuned.
• Recently Published:
  • Poems Added:
    
    • TBA — thoughts brewing
• Editing, editing, and more editing.
• Waiting 🙂

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