AUTHOR’S GAB, READER TALK.
A LETTER TO YOU, THE READER, SO THAT YOU CAN FINALLY FIGURE OUT WHAT I’M THINKING.
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THIS MONTH: Killing Santa
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ABC’s Castle had Santa shot to death and thrown out of a plane; Cartoon Network’s “Regular Show” had Santa full of bullet holes, thrown out of his sled and land in someone’s garage.
Dear Reader,
Apparently, T.V. really wants Santa dead this Christmas.
They’ve already tried to kill him at least three times in three different Christmas specials: ABC’s Castle (“Secret Santa”) and Cartoon Network’s The Regular Show (“The Christmas Special”) and The Amazing World of Gumball (“Christmas”). Add in a little How the Grinch Stole Christmas and The Santa Clause on ABC Family and Miracle on 34th Street on AMC and, certainly by now, everyone is feeling the Christmas spirit.
I think the channels were just going for a shocker. Like if they shot the big guy full of holes their ratings would go up, as people sit in their living rooms, jaws-on-floor, gaping at the fact that Santa is dead.
The problem is: they all had the same idea. And now, the enlightened viewer sits in his or her living room thinking, “Oh, that again,” and promptly turns off the T.V.
Also, if you kill Santa, then, for many people, you kill Christmas. Not everyone believes that Christmas is Jesus’ birthday like I do.
So, for the bright-eyed kid sitting in front of that television, whole-heartedly believing Santa is real (like I did until I was eight), guess what they just did? Oops, they told the kid that Santa isn’t real after all.
Bye, bye Christmas fantasy. Bye, bye childhood.
Other networks took a different spin at the old Christmas special.
Nickelodeon threw Santa into a present maker and gave him amnesia in their new The Fairly Oddparents movie, “A Fairly Odd Christmas”. And, on The Hallmark Channel, Mistletoe over Manhatten, Santa just retires altogether.
In the mean time, BBC’s Doctor Who had a bunch of evil snowmen chase the Doctor around at Christmastime in 1892.
I mean, let’s be real now. Those producers obviously don’t want their Christmas presents.
Because, according to most children, Santa is still alive; and, if that’s the case, I’m unplugging my cable and dusting off my old Christmas dvds. “It’s Christmas, Charlie Brown”, “The Polar Express” or “Frosty the Snowman” beat a dead Santa and evil snowmen any day.
Or, I hear there’s this sweet new Christmas movie coming out called “The Rise of the Guardians”. It’s like Santa Clause 3, except Jack Frost ISN’T evil. In fact, I hear he saves the day.
In fact, I might just boot my t.v. up into my attic until Christmas is over altogether. Heck, I could use to catch up on some of my Christmas reading.
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, anyone? Or, how about a little of Charles Dickens’ The Christmas Carol?
Now, these are some things I could spend my time gaping at.
Because, personally, I don’t want Santa dead.
He doesn’t actually exist, but he represents the happiness we’re supposed to feel on Christmas, because Jesus is born. And, somehow, if you take that “jolly” out, you’re left with little to no holiday spirit.
So, long live Santa Claus. T.V. is powered by coal anyway.
Merry Christmas!
Sincerely, Your Author,
Jessica A.McLean
The Rose 