The Rose

A LETTER TO YOU, THE READER, SO THAT YOU CAN FINALLY FIGURE OUT WHAT I’M THINKING.

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THIS MONTH: Obsessions

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~Isaiah 55:8-9 (N.A.S.B.)~

Dear Reader,

They say time flies by when you’re having fun, but the truth is, time flies by when your working hard too, especially when you have a particular goal in mind. Time goes even quicker when all you can think about is that one particular thing all the time. It’s in the back of your mind, your reason to keep going. There may be other concerns you have, things that are equally stimulating; yet, this thought, this idea, this dream this…. obsession…. takes over.

This summer, certain obsessions, whatever they may be, have dominated my life. I remember, at the beginning of the summer, I wrote “Awaiting Her Final Grades”, because I was obsessed with finding out what my final grades where. I based many of my thoughts in that poem on my own personal experiences, which, in my mind, made it a worthy poem. Because, I believe excellent quality work is drawn from everyone’s personal experiences. I was reading through my copy of Celebrate! Young Poets Speak Out from Spring of 2006, the edition “The Quilt” was published in, and I realized how each winning poet had drawn from his or her soul, regardless of how it had come out on paper. Perhaps, then, my obsessions are not so unique in the way that they have been translated on to paper, but they are unique in the way that I have conjured them up or experienced them to be.

Thus, I should not be surprised to find myself in August, hurrying along at a breath-taking, neck-breaking pace, drowning in my own ambitions. I have worked about 30 hours a week since the middle of June; I have worked about that much since the beginning of August. Also, I have done this in order to save up for the ambitious trip to China I want to take; working in August, for me, is simply seeing that vision through to completion. I have been working towards starting school at Oakland University (O.U.); I will be headed back to O.U. in about 2 weeks or less. My garden, which I planted in June, has flourished… weeds and all. The only thing that hasn’t quite arrived yet is my diploma, which I may not receive until September.

Yet, as I have plowed pell-mell through these things, I have remembered Him. I have realized, through it all, how much I’m subject to His authority. My life is not my own; it’s God’s story. In fact, God has called us to be utterly obsessed with Him 24/7. Regardless of what our thoughts are or what we are preoccupied with at the moment, we are commanded to think of and obey Him, God, and to remember His sacrifice for us on the cross. Otherwise, it’s like giving halfheartedly to God, Who does not accept leftovers, only the best.

Therefore, this month, I have seriously been re-thinking how I use my time. “Slow down”, I tell myself, “Talk to Him about what’s going on right now, about what you are thinking of/doing. Trust Him, because everything He says is true.” I have taken my Bible to work. I have unashamedly started talking about the role my faith in Jesus plays in my life, as well as just working up the courage to talk about how He is God, the Messiah, Who willingly erased my sins on the cross. I have gotten rid of my long-time addiction, online gaming, and resolved to write more, since that’s what I believe I was called to do. I have picked up the book I have intended to read. I finally finished the cookie plate I had been making for my sister since Christmas. And, the list goes on. For His sake, I refuse to be wasteful with my time.

But, ah, time. Amist my working through these obsessions, I had a rude reminder of time passing by. It snuck up on me like an impending appointment. I tried to be apathetic, to ignore the truth, but I found I couldn’t. And, so, on August 13, 2011, I turned 22, amid a thunderstorm, after work, and while eating Lei Ting’s walnut shrimp, yellow, vanilla, Milford Bakery cake, and devilish chocolate chunk ice cream. I was so caught up in the moment that, when I blew out the candles, I completely forgot to make a wish!

I think I ought to consider it a warning as to where my obsessions can/could lead me if I let them. I bet, if you followed every obsession that crossed your mind, you might find yourself old, soon to be dead, and unfulfilled. Thus, it’s important to remember to LET God plan your life- I bite on my own hard advice here- rather than trying to chase it down yourself. I have been praying for direction for some time now. Maybe it’s just time to just trust God and let Him lead me there. 🙂

Yet, the task before me is not easy. I have been having a Harry Potter movie marathon over the last few days, complete now with the Deathly Hallows 2, and I realized something ironic: what is with our obsession about characters with the weight of the world on their shoulders? Why do we consider that to be the most interesting thing of all? Watching Harry Potter, I’m reminded of Frodo Baggins carrying the ring to Mount Doom, Aslan sacrificing Himself in Edmund’s place, or Captain America fighting the Red Baron. Could it be that this has to do with our craving for our Savior? I think so. Funny how, innately, even non-believers cannot stop confessing Him, as the Bible declares in James 2:19 (NASB): “You believe God is one. You do well; even the demons believe and shudder.” Yet, ironically, we stop there, even as acclaimed Christians. We refuse to let God become our obsession, because the choice is not easy. For me, it’s easier to be late than on time for everything, to be powerful rather than to be undeserving; however, in the movie “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire”, J.K. Rowling observes the truth when she says, “Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy.”

Which will you chose? I leave you with that question. It requires a clear mind and an open will, clear of all of your current, past, or future obsessions. I think my choice is clear enough, even if, in a weak moment, I do often still fail. Nevertheless, I will not continue to sin so that God’s grace may increase, but continue to attempt to make God my obsessions. Let go….

Ah, so these are my thoughts for this month. Hard thoughts, but necessary ones. They are the kind of thoughts I have when I let my time pass too quickly, when I forget, too easily, that He is always still there, in control. Times when I forget to trust Him with my body as well as my soul. Next time I write you, I will most probably be immersed in my first load of course work at O.U., diploma in hand, and on to my next phase in life. Ironic, then, how this is the message God has given me to relay to you before the plunge (into autumn)… and a worthy one at that.

Sincerely, Your Author,

Jessica McLean