The Rose

A LETTER TO YOU, THE READER, SO THAT YOU CAN FINALLY FIGURE OUT WHAT I’M THINKING.

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THIS MONTH: Struggles

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Dear Reader,

Well, there is exactly 1 hour or less left in October, so I guess I better just spit out what’s on my mind or not say anything at all! I haven’t said anything yet because it’s been hard for me to really sum up this month. I guess the best way to say it is that I’ve been going through a lot of internal struggles lately, not all of which I chose to share within the contents of this letter to you. Yet, some results have broken through the surface.

For example, I spent a good deal of the first half of the month quilting. And, finally, on October 16th, I finally finished the quilt top I’ve been working on. Of course, it still needs backing and batting, as well as hand quilting (tying together the three parts of the quilt by hand stitching it with embroidery thread), but the main part of it is finished. And, for that accomplishment, I’m very proud of myself.

The second half of the month was primarily spent on homework. After quilting for so long, I was a bit behind in some of my schoolwork; however, with some hard work, I’m now caught up again. In this regard, I’m proud of myself for forcing myself to plow through it. To those people I temporarily set aside during this time in my life, I’m sorry. I hope you understand that what I had to do was necessary for myself, and it really doesn’t involve you.

That said, I’m also proud of myself this month that I took time to focus on me. It’s so incredibly easy to start living for other people instead of your own causes, the things you care about. These are things God has sent you to do, and no one else can do them but you.

You see, in my life, I’ve been struggling with walls of direction. I love advance planning, but I can never seem to figure out which way to go. It’s sort of like I’m blind and God is leading my hand by a string or a voice… and I’m listening as He beckons me in the dark, “THIS WAY!!!” A very long time ago now, I heard God’s voice of direction clearly, and now… while it is still there, it’s still so very hard to hear sometimes. But, this I gather: back then, the Voice said, “Wash My Feet; go down that road”, and now it seems to only be saying, “Walk the path”. This, for me, has been hard to hear, because, as an impulsive person, I get very impatient. 😉

Again, the specific details are not something I want to delve into here, but be assured by the statement that I’m walking and waiting, as instructed. But, I’m also struggling and fighting with myself (my sinful nature) to make it all happen. I made a promise to follow through on fixing and respecting these issues, and I fully intend to fulfill my promise.

Now, to the fun! 🙂

October has been such a fun month for fall things! Long’s Orchard down the street from my house opened, and sells the best apples, cider, and donuts there ever could be, not to mention other fun stuff like pumpkins and a spooky core maze. The baked goods have been flowing out of my house like there is no tomorrow: apple crisp, chocolate chip cookies, butterscotches… you name it. I also love hot apple cider with whipped cream on top- oh yum!! The leaves have been changing brilliant colors and falling everywhere, the weather has gotten steadily colder, and my dad has been busy burning leaves and dead branches in our bonfire pit in the backyard. There has been (my personal favorite) University of Michigan football games every Saturday (damn that losing streak!); although, I haven’t gotten to watch a majority of them because I work all day on Saturdays. My younger brother attended his first Homecoming formal, even going as far as to ask a girl out (brave man!). He looking dashing in his black suit an purple tie, and had a great time.

And, as everyone knows, October 31st is Halloween, which is today. This year, I got my nails done all festive-like to hand out candy with, but there really wasn’t anyone here tonight. Oddly enough, a majority of the houses on my street were dark by 8 p.m. Oh well… it was fun dressing up in my witch costume, carving pumpkins, and watching the Adams Family once again. Yay! 🙂

All in all, while this month has had its struggles for me, it’s also had it’s positive, happy moments. It’s good to know that, even in the dark places, there’s still a little light. Halloween represents death, but Easter represents new life in Christ; just as there was a crucifixion, so there also is a resurrection. I stake my hope on that. Happy October! Happy Halloween!!!

Your Author,

Jessica Anne McLean