Author’s Gab, Reader Talk.
A letter to you, the reader, so that you can finally figure out what I’m thinking.
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This Month: Vacation
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Dear Reader,
There have been many times this month where I’ve come back to this very template with every intention of writing something to you for this June, and I’ve found myself at a loss for what to write. I put up a post called “Incoming” to try and ease some of my writer’s block, but to no avail. Then it occurred to me: you may not know what to write either.
Or, like me, you simply may not be at your computer. Let’s face it: it’s June. In the Northern Hemisphere, June is the month of blue skies, warm weather, and thunderstorms, complete with dazzling strikes of lightning, gushing downpours of heavy rain and looming ominous clouds for effect. Most people don’t have school, so if you’re not working, you’re up to whatever else you like to do, hopefully outside. It’s not blistering hot, but it’s just warm enough. It’s the beginning of summer, dang it! So, if you’re like most people, you may be hanging out with your friends, pudtsing in your garden (like my mother), swimming in the outdoor pool or boating on that vast lake or ocean, tanning on the pool deck, cutting grass, zipping around with the top down…. you get the picture.
And, truthfully, that’s precisely what I’ve been up to too: vacationing!!! Oh, glorious, wonderful, blissful holiday!! Really, there are no words, concepts, or phases for the feelings of a break. Because, let’s face it, there are some days where I just don’t want to think about anything but relaxing… and perhaps that even includes writing as well. I’ve been resting, socializing, quilting, and cleaning, mostly in that order. Thus, my thoughts this June are that of a much anticipated summer, and I’m far from wasting it.
Yet, do not suppose that I’ve lost all touch with reality. Sadly, I’m aware that school is coming in July, when I will have to take a Composition II class (not that bad, I know, but school nonetheless). I’m also thinking about how close I’m coming to graduating from O.C.C. and so I’m trying to make appropriate plans to transfer my credits to apply for a Bachelor of Arts degree. It looks like I’ll be graduating with a Global Studies (Associate’s) degree, and it will be interesting to see where that will take me. Also, my looming adulthood is starting to frighten me a bit, as I’m not really sure that I can handle all of the independence and responsibilities that people will expect of me just yet. I’ll be turning 21 on August 13, and then a kid I will no longer be ever again, which, as I mentioned, is scary stuff for me. What’s always been really important to me is being creative and loving people, and I pride myself on my relationships with others; however, I fear that what I value the most may not be concrete enough to get me through the harsh realities of life, like providing for myself (and maybe a family someday). I’ve also turned my attention to my relationships with others, and I’m finding that I’m clueless as to how to maintain a long distance relationship and that my family (including close friends) is, in fact, very important to me. Thus, questions like these run through my head as I turn my attention to closing one chapter in my life and opening another. I sit on the cusp of graduating from college and of adulthood! I mean, really? This day is here? Do I want to know what comes next? Oh God, it’s reality knocking… I’m scared!!
But, that’s what summer’s for, right? That comforting shroud of warm-weather denial, that wonderful bask of reset, of indulgence, can momentarily take reality away. Therefore, if you ask me, “Penny for your thoughts?” these days, I might say to you that I’m thinking about quilting (I just finished the one I was working on!), lifeguarding, hanging out with my friends, or swimming with Master’s Swim Club. Or, perhaps, I’m even thinking about World Cup Soccer (go U.S.A.!!) or the new “Avatar: The Last Airbender” movie that’s just come out; I’m pudsing in my garden, doing my chores, making pizza or planning parties. But, tsk tsk, don’t mention reality! That comes later…
I’ve been working on this semi-perfect sonnet called “I Miss You”. It’s been edited and I’m letting it mature right now. It only grasps the tip of what I’m trying to point out here, but I think, in just a few words, it says what needs to be said.
In the end, I’ve thought about all of this, and it comes down to one thing: God is in control (Romans 1). God is immortal, infinite, perfect, omnipresent, and the Subject. God is. And, God isn’t like me. God knows what to write, has written it, and is writing it, all at once. If anything, I’m His precise opposite, so I cannot try to make Him like me, a mortal human. God isn’t headed to the grave. Thus, I must believe. I must have faith. I must glorify and honor Him by not being ashamed of Him or His Word. And, finally, all of this said, how does one make sense of the Gospel? What a sheer miracle!! Thus, in the end, there is God…. who’s got everything covered. Can I believe that? Daily, I’ve been trying to make my best attempt to.
The hard part about all this is that God doesn’t tell you what He wants you to do. Instead, He leaves the page blank and asks you to write something. And then it occurs to you, as you sit there and ad lib on the page: this is what He meant you to write all along.
Happy June vacation to you! 🙂
Sincerely, Your Author,
Jessica McLean
The Rose 