The Rose

Two years ago, I was alone, walking in a sea of people.

I went to school, and I worked hard; but,

I had no one to share my life with. No one

really, truly cared about me, possibly except my mother.

I went to movies alone, and I thought, “This is nice.”

It was just God and I. But, inside, I felt sad. I needed friends.

Then, one day, someone came along. She said she cared.

She promised she would be there for me forever, no matter what. And,

suddenly, quite inexplicably, I had a best friend. I no longer

went to movies alone. Someone, I thought, loved me,

and I loved them back for it. I promised, in return,

to always be there for her, too, forever, no matter what.

But, her promises eventually turned to lies, and

she left me, high and dry. “I don’t want to be friends anymore,”

she quipped. My heart broke under that statement’s iron grip.

I tried to hang on. I tried to let go. I tried to keep my promise,

but woe! No matter how many times I sold my soul,

our friendship, still, is nevermore.

I kept following the trail; yet, as I watched,

my grandparents, my mentor, my great aunt all

died (as if it wasn’t enough). At least they’re in

heaven; but, with each casket I pass,

it’s still hard to find hope with them

decaying peacefully there in the grass.

I tried to find love; nevertheless,

two failed relationships down the line,

I’m starting to wonder why I took the time.

I mean, my sister is getting married.

But, it is for her, and it is not for me.

Why, oh why, am I so unlucky?

Once again, I feel so alone. It’s just God and I,

going from work to home. There’s no one who

really cares, maybe except my mother. I’m considering

going to a movie alone. It’s just God and I, but I feel so sad.

I’m alone again, just haunted by the ghosts of the memories I have.

People dead, people gone, promises broken.

I have been loved, but I’m not loved anymore.

The past grates against my heart like

the stones under the wheels of my longboard.

The heartache it makes is like the pictures

I keep on my wall of those who are dead,

those who are gone, those whose promises are broken.

I still see her at gaming group. We still laugh together,

we still stare at each other and we still don’t talk to one another.

She still turns her back without saying goodbye. She still

chooses to fade out; and, for that, my heart still cries.

It soaks the pages of my journal with one final plea:

“Please, friend, I love you. Don’t go. Love me?”

This free verse is copyright 2015 by Jessica Anne McLean. File Sharing is Encouraged.

Author’s Note:

This free verse is a personal reflection on some of the struggles in my life over the past couple of years, as well as some of the things I’m going through now. I’m really grateful to those friends who have been there for me through these hard times. I especially want to thank Krista Hastings, Ruthie Paula and Kyle Movius for being true friends and standing by me when things got rough.

Listen to the album, “Some Nights” by fun. for context, especially the song, “Some Nights”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQkBeO…