The Rose

She was doing it again. She was staring Robin Marie Martin down like a doomed bug and watching her squirm. And that was exactly how Robin felt inside, but she knew that there was nothing that she could do about it now. She had come to her sister to talk, but instead found those caring eyes penetrating her soul as if they knew everything. It’s not like Emily hadn’t told her that public school wouldn’t be easy, but this wasn’t just rough, it was overwhelming. Emily continued to stare at her, somehow confirming her suspicion. A smile played at the corner of her lips as she leaned forward. “Robin, remember what dad always said: remember who you are.”

Robin had good reasons when she made the decision to switch to public school. She was born on September 11, 1988 in Lebanon, PA to Mennoite parents. He father was a pastor and her mom stayed at home. Her Christian school had only offered a home-schooling program for high school and she wanted something more expansive. At least Pine Grove Area High School was bigger, but it wasn’t the same. As a Christian, she knew what she stood for, but she took for granted what the word Christian meant. To Robin it was a belief and a way of life, nothing more. That is, till she moved to public school. Only then did she realize that being a Christian meant having a personal relationship with Christ, and she became dedicated to Him because she realized that now she needed to put her faith into practice. But as she saw others fall around her, it was tempting to follow them to gain acceptance. Emily had told her to stand firm, and she followed that advice. She would later say that “people knew what I stood for” and respected her for it. To her peers she was the “good girl” with freckles and long curly hair who always got straight A’s and wandered the halls in a collared shirt. For Robin, the image got old after awhile, but that never kept her from what she knew was right.  Or so she thought.

Joel was gorgeous, completely amazing, and totally untouchable. Everything was wrong with him, but that’s what she loved about him. He sizzled to the touch, and was chocolate to the eye; however, you could smell the bad boy in him a mile away. They met on the bus. He played baseball, and she loved softball. She found him intriguing, but he didn’t know her secret. And as sophomore year went on, he became her idol as God was discarded. Every girl thinks at one time that a guy brings fulfillment, and Robin thought Joel was just that. After all, she was tired of waiting around for the perfect guy to come. She thought, “Maybe there’s not a specific Christian guy out there [for me]. Maybe this is all I have.”  Things sped up. He was everything to her, but when a guy reeks trouble, and a girl ferments genuine character, something is bound to go wrong. And in spring, Joel shattered her heart.

Somehow, the secret of Robin’s crush reached Joel. Joel knew that dating Robin would never work out. Even if it was an achievement to have another girl conquered, he knew that he must dispose of his trophy before he could polish it. So in the best way possible, he told Robin that he couldn’t date her. Someone must compromise, and he wasn’t willing to change his identity, and neither was she. Robin was grateful for the way he handled it, but couldn’t let go. So, she tried to win him back, but with each try she was unsuccessful. Finally after failing one night, she began to read her Bible. Joel 2:12-13 came across her devotions, and as she read it, it touched her heart. It read, “‘Even now,’ declares the Lord, ‘return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning.’ Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.” From then on she knew that before God could work in her life she needed to let go of Joel. He had become too important to her, and God had become nothing.

Robin felt called to serve on a mission’s trip to Mexico that summer.  The first leg of the trip was a training camp in Harrisburg, PA, about an hour from where she lives. Little did she know that God would use this trip to change her life forever. As the training began, God also began to guide Robin’s heart. He abundantly began to reveal His unconditional love for her and grow her faith. And as He nudged Robin, she began to see how he had been faithful to her all along. He had loved her when she was the only one doing what was right, He had cared when Joel broke her heart, and now he still loved her enough to show her that He cared. And as God grew her, she began to learn. Learning the value of good Christian friends made Robin realize that she wasn’t “just a no fun Christian girl,” she was worth something. This motivated her to think of the friends whom she had left behind and “instead of hanging out with them with the intent of proving that I’m normal, it was an opportunity to witness to them.” God also provided alternatives as she began to meet godly guys. Someone worth waiting for was really out there after all, but until then she knew God was sufficient.

Today she loves to write, play volleyball and softball and continues to know God’s love. Shoe still receives advice from Emily and all of her six brothers and sisters, and even now has a group of four close friends to hang out with. But to Robin, what’s important now is “to model His goodness and just Christ,” because now, only God’s love really matters.

Copyright 2006 of Jessica Anne McLean. All rights reserved.